Trying to Commit

It's been a long time since my last post.  I also remember saying that I would post more frequently.  But, I found a little more purpose now, and I want to share it with you.  I want to write about what really goes on in my life ***BUT*** I want it to also be meaningful and helpful to you too.  Not just writing about pointless dramas that occur.  So I'm trying to commit to you all here and also commit to myself.  SubhanaAllah, I find it so difficult to commit to myself... So I want to write about it.  And hopefully, if you also have commitment issues with yourself maybe this will help you too.  InshaAllah!

I'm always trying to figure out what is wrong with me.  I know I have a problem whether it be physical, medical, emotional, spiritual.  I can't focus. I can't sleep at proper times of the day. I have developed poor eating habits.  I have no motivation/focus.  I suffer from high anxiety and depression.  I gain weight easily. I don't like going outside.

I know I'm an introverted person, but this is becoming extreme and unhealthy.  Does this sound like you too?

For the next 30 days I will be my very own gpuinaepig!

So let's break in down

1.  Physical:  I was very active in sports less than 6 years ago... I want to analyze what happened in my life that made me go off track.  I've always struggled with weight growing up; developing eating disorders which made my weight fluctuate. What about the sleeping problems?

2.  Medical:  What's going on in the body? Let's talk about my blood type.  Poor eating habits, sudden change in eating patterns, sleeping patterns.  I truly believe to have a chemical imbalance, but why? and how?  Why do I fear doctors of the 21st century?  I will be talking about my body humour.

3.  Emotional/Environmental:  Frankly put, I've lived in abusive environments practically my whole life.  This definitely plays a big role in my previous, current and future outlook on my life.  I want to explain my challenges, how I've overcome some of them and what I'm doing to stay on track to not succumb to any future abuse.  The importance of having a positive mindset.

4.  Spiritual:  What has meditation done for me in the past 6 years as a Muslim.  What are the challenges I face spiritually.  Here, I want to talk about the unseen, roqia and the importance of prayer/meditation in my current life.

So everyday, I will tell you about these 4 elements (physical, medical, emotional, spiritual) and how they affect me.  I will explain the pros and the cons, my problems and solutions... with a little background story.  I could always vlog about it... but I'd rather save that for the end results.

My goals this year is to lose 100 pounds and be healthy again.  I know, I've been back and forth throughout this entire blog about it but cmon I think I've found the reasons why it wasn't working in the first place... And I'm going to write about it now!  I'm like clinically obese based on my BMI, and that is the main reason why I'm suffering with my unknown health conditions.  NO I'M NOT A HYPOCHONDRIAC!!! I like to think of myself as relatively healthy but I cannot claim that title, not even in the slightest, at the moment because I've come to terms with myself and become self aware that I have an underlying problem that needs to be addressed: I'm obese and obesity creates health issues.  Nevertheless, for every problem there is a solution and I will find them, document them and solve them.  *^_^*

Ideally, I can see myself losing at least 10 pounds each month.  Because of my condition, I have no choice but to eat a full-on plant-based diet.  Honestly, it's just easier & healthier!  I will have to meticulously monitor what I eat and the amounts I'm eating.  Obviously, if I didn't already tell you enough times (LOL), I will document it here in this blog inshaAllah.  Not going to lie, my current kryptonite is cheesy pizza.  But that's also my current poison and I will explain why in the upcoming blogs.  So stay tuned.

Take Care & InshaAllah Khair