Day 6 & Day 7: It's ok to be Selfish!

My menses are finally coming to an end! Day 6 was sort of interesting I guess, I felt incredibly hungry.  I was eating just to eat... maybe even out of sheer boredom.  I really enjoy my ramen noodle soups. Like I literally had them for breakfast, lunch, diner, midnight snack.  I had a banana smoothie that day as well but wow the ramen soup was so good.  I guess I was craving salt lol.  I had a large coffee too. And all while chilling on Instagram, I found out that the food I just started to eat (ramen and sweetener), is counter-productive to the treatment program I set up for myself :( I was so disappointed in myself.  I should of know MSG and Sucralose/Aspartame was extremely bad for you (... like I knew it was bad but I didn't know the severity of how bad it really was).  So I definitely halted all use of those substance. Like no wonder I've been feeling kind sluggish and tired.  I wasn't healing, my body was using up energy to counteract the new damage I was doing to it!  WOW I'm dumb!  But it's ok because this is a learning process.  I'm not an expert (experts don't even use their advice lol).

Moving along, I want to start doing more now.  More, as in doing more maintenance on myself. Exercising, being positive, creating a better environment for myself.  Really focus on become a better me, a better person.  The next few days I will focus on the positive mindset, the struggles and how it makes a difference in my live. I've have an Instagram dedicated to motivation, dreams and aspirations.  This was created because I needed to have laser focus.  I read inspirational quotes all day long just so that I don't get distracted.  And it's working for me!  I still can't follow a set schedule but I'm working on it.  I still can't budget to save my live, but I'm working on that too.  I can say that my self-esteem has been better these past few months because I live true to myself in an unapologetic manner.  And this mindset of being true to myself, admitting my imperfections, being humble and modest has done wonders for me.  I let people know that I have high values, that I stand for something.  I don't allow myself to be stepped on by anyone.  Coming out of an abused mindset/toxic environment has proven it's difficulties for me.  I simply refuse to be a victim anymore.  I want to be a survivor, a warrior.  It's a hard step to take after being beaten down by everyone you know for so many years.  It's scary to walk the earth alone with no one to turn to if shit hit the fan and everything turned brown.  The only One I can depend on is the All-Mighty!

The key words in my life right now are: "I want".  I want better for myself. I want to help myself. I want to live a full satisfying life. I want.  I want.  I want!  And there's nothing wrong with that.

See, people might call it selfish and egoist to want something better for yourself... But also keep in mind your friends and family also was good for you, just not better than them.  Even in Islam, you are taught that you can be and not be selfish all at the same time.  It's about balance.  Personally, as long as I don't step on people to get to the next step in life, I'm winning.  I've always been stepped on.  Quite frankly, I'm done with being used and abused.  I'm not even about that life of using and abusing others.  So, understanding this balance of being and not being selfish has help me.

"I've come to terms with the fact that I might come off as an intimidating woman. However, I've done my time as an insecure one & much prefer being this woman who goes after what she wants & drops anything that doesn't want her"

I didn't sleep much the night of Day 6, only to realize during Day 7 (yesterday) I lack mental stimulation.  I recently started Luminosity to help stimulate my brain and get some synapses going.  And it worked!  So that being said, I need to get back to my reading and my learning.  Like actually using my brain.  Alhamdulillah for my roommate because we do have stimulating conversations however we don't see each 24/7.  I also need to start exercising.  My bestie is all pumped to start.  I just hope that she is committed as I am.  It's hard to get support from people, when you're trying to better yourself.  I find, if they don't support you, take a break from them.  You don't need to cut people off, you just need to take more time for yourself and not tell them about it.  The whole "Do you boo boo!" Kinda attitude.  And there's nothing wrong with putting up boundaries, you need to teach people how you want them to treat you.  So respect yourself and people with follow suit.

Take Care & InshaAllah Khair