Had my first "fight" with the husband today. Really it's over a "small" thing... But it's a big deal because it involves trust. Oh yes the big 'T' word.
So here's what happened. From the beginning.
As you well know my husband is born, raised and resides in KSA. Literally across the Atlantic ocean from me. So I can only rely on believing him and everything his says to me. I do trust my husband. But despite his reassurance of profound love for me, I'll still have an insane fear that he will marry a second wife. So he told me that he will be going to a wedding. His cousin's wedding and his sister told me so as well. He he told me that the wedding was yesterday and that he went, and it was good (I made this out of the broken English we use to communicate with each other).
But here's the thing, he didn't take any pictures of himself. I had asked for pictures of him because let's face it, seeing my husband in a white thobe (long white garment) and shamegh (typical Arab headdress) makes me crumble. But he didn't send me any. I thought this was strange. Deep in the back of my mind I'm thinking: 'Was this really his cousin's wedding, or is he hiding something?' Well this is my paranoia creeping up on me... almost like I'm hear voices (aka Shaytan, Aouthoobillah!). I suddenly, and out of the blue, check my What's App and turn to my contacts list. I see 2 of my husbands numbers ACTIVATED.
My heart starts pumping. I'm literally fighting the urge to freak out. All I could do was take screenshots, because we know screenshots don't lie. And I send them to him asking why does he have 2 What's App numbers activated. My head is spinning. I'm completely livid trying to keep my composure, trying to think logically. I'm literally fighting the crazy side of me. We've been married not even 4 months, how could this be possible? Why would he have 2 numbers on What's App? Could it be possible that he got married to a second wife? I'm trying to get a grip on reality but this thought, of my husband having a second wife, was eating me alive.
I storm to facebook, determined to catch him. There's no way this is happening a second time (I was divorced prior to this marriage... that's another story for later)! I thought things were going well. I'm being patient! I'm being understanding of the situation we are both facing with distance! What did I do that he could do this to me!? Do I bore him? I'm trying to put myself out there, way out of my comfort zone, just because he's my husband!
So I'm on Facebook, raiding his page. and I can't see his friends. I can see, however, his followers. And yes I see some girls. So with my trusty phone I take pictures of those girls' profile. I said to myself 'he's gonna have to delete them, if not, he's guilty!'
It was already late so I had to sleep, fighting the urge to cry. 'How could he do this to me!?' was repeatedly said over and over and over. But then it hit the crazy switch and all I saw was red. 'He's not going to be chatting on Facebook... No, no, he's online!' I storm to the same site where we met, created a fake account under some old email I can't even remember.
Jealousy is a sick twisted mixture of crack coccain, LSD, alcohol and Meth and I've never even taken drugs before.
I searched for his account. Found it! The satisfaction and a victory dance was practically beginning to take place within me. But then saw the date of last login... it was 4 months ago... When we got married.
Still hurt, now defeated. How could he have 2 numbers. I don't know about you but where I'm from that's like red flag for players. At this point, I'm crying in pain and agony. I thought to myself, I'm so pathetic and naive to think that I would ever remarry a too-good-to-be-true kind of guy. Like the man's practically perfect.
The next day I confronted him, since he pretty much laughed in my face (via What's App) that it's in fact his brother's number and not his. Accusing my of not trusting him. Ya, like no one has ever heard of that line before. Seeing that I'm not responding, he calls me on Facebook messenger. Let's just say there was a big miscommunication. Because we couldn't understand each other.
Later that day, I spoke with the sister-in-law. She and I are close, and I confide a lot in her. I told her the situation. She confirmed it was the other brother's number and not my husband's. I explained to her where I was coming from with my thoughts and actions. She understood and explained on her brothers behalf. She reassured me nothing is going on and that there's nothing to worry about. 'He's a good man, he loves you so much, you have to trust him'.
I asked her to explain to him for him to understand, if he ever were to talk to her about it. She knows we love each other. We just need to spend more time getting to know each other better, that's all.
And all of this miscommunication got me thinking... I need to learn arabic faster. I need to do this to understand my partner and meet him half way. I really hate problems. I rather find a solution. I hope he can forgive me for my overreaction.
Take Care & InshaAllah Khair
Duni
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